And to regrettably quote Miley Cyrus: "It's the climb".

I'm pretty sure this post is the residual of "baby blues".  I've also resorted to listening to horrible country music ballads on Pandora...so, that can't be helping much.

Ever since I've become a mother, life seems like a constant uphill battle.  (Cliche?)  Not because of spit-up or temper tantrums.   Not because I am currently learning how to meet the needs of two little boys.  Not because our bathroom permanently smells like urine with it's new little occupant who happens to have horrible aim.  Not even because I can't remember the last time I completed a REM cycle.

It's because it seems like everyone else is doing all this AND... baking cookies, creating masterpieces, running marathons...flippin' SAVING THE WORLD...all while wearing their pre-pregnancy skinny jeans and rockin' hipster bangs.  

I have never felt more out of shape, unkempt, unorganized, and unproductive in my life.  Trying to divide my time between my two little guys and not feel like I am dividing my heart has become consuming.  I feel like I have been a horrible mom to Axton, quick to anger and slow to praise.  My poor husband probably thinks I have gone insane...and he can't be too thrilled about whatever the heck has happened to my body!  Everything that I felt somewhat defined me is no where to be found.  I find that I am comparing myself to everyone else and have become paralyzed with self-loathing and frustration.  I am surrounded by wonderful people who are talented and gifted, compassionate and giving.  I feel...

...lost.

So, where is the solace?  The resolution?  How do you find yourself again?

I'm assuming it's a process.  A long, grueling, refining process that hopefully leaves you better than you were before...or at least more tamper-resistant?  

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

Let me just start off by saying that I'm not quite sure what day it is, much less what the date actually is.  If it weren't for the little clock on this laptop, I wouldn't even have a general idea about what time it was.  I think I've only washed my hair five times  every other day since we've been home from the hospital...I probably don't even need to mention I still have the same mascara on from about three days ago.

On a positive note: we are all still alive...AND, I've learned how to fall asleep while sitting straight up!  Pretty awesome.

I know it's probably silly to say I don't have time for anything, and then hop on this little blog and spend probably too much time punching out a little ode to getting no sleep...but I want to remember these days and precious hours I have with my new baby.  Nursing him.  Comforting him.  Rocking him.  Discovering what kind of little person he is.  Even though it is grueling and exhausting to only live on 3 hours of sleep every night, it is a really beautiful experience for me...in spite of the now-permanent messy bun and eye bags that have become my new fashion trend!

I have FANTASTIC family and friends who have helped us so much through this transition, and my heart could not be more full.

And the best part about this whole crazy experience:  the other two men in my life.  Axton is THE best big brother I could ask for.  I'm not just saying this because I'm his mom...he truly is so loving and wonderful with Anchor, I can't even believe it!  My sweet amazing husband has completely stolen my heart during this new phase of our lives.  I will forever love him for his sacrifices and hard work during this time.

Like I said, we're all still alive!  It's not all rainbows and unicorns around here, but we're feeling the good times!  Thanks for the love and I'll catch you on the flippity flip!

Anchor's Away!

Almost 3 weeks early, our little guy, Anchor Reed Lange, made his debut on June 27, 2012 at 1:57am.  Weighing in at 7.5 lbs, 18 1/2 inches, he was a pretty easy delivery!  We are loving him to death, and happy to share some of those moments with you!  

Catching Up

Just because I can't get enough of this little guy...

This is the only official "belly pic" I took the entire time...I'm not a huge fan!

5 Years!  Ventured to Coronado Island.

Not really sure what happened to the camera here, but I think it REALLY shows the power and magic of our love.  You can also see it on Josh's face!

...because it wouldn't be right to not have a pregnancy pictures with authentic gang sign flashing.

Look out, Gilligan!

We're losing some serious hair around here.

I will post the end results whenever it grows out a little more...Josh accidentally used the left ear piece on the clippers resulting in some wicked tiger stripes!

In case you missed this little gem...