...

The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.

How freeing.

Axtonisms Part II

Me:  Hey Axton...it's time to clean up your room because it's really dirty.
Axton:  It's not really dirty, it's awesome!



Me:  Axton, can you go get me a towel, Anchor just spit up all over me.
Axton:  Ok!

...Later that day after I've contracted food poisoning and am throwing up in the toilet...

Axton: Mommy, you need a towel?  Did you spit up all over?



Me:  Hey, do you know where Anchor's pacifier is?
Axton:  I'm thinking....it's on the bed, I think.  I'm thinking it's on the bed.



Axton:  Mommy, it's your birthday?  You want some cake?  Happy Birthday, Mommy!
Me:  Ya, it's my birthday, thank you!  Can you sing me the birthday song?
Axton:  Sighs in annoyance, "No, Mommy...I'm too big!"



Axton:  Mommy, I want some milk.
Me:  Can you ask like a big boy?
Axton:  Mommy, I want some milk RIGHT NOW.  Please!

The Good Word...

Axton:  Mommy, look!  I'm Jesus! *Twirls around in Josh's over sized shirt*

Me:  Wow, that's so cool!

Axton:  I'm Jesus and I'm alive!

Me: Ya!  Jesus lives!  Good job, buddy. *Gives into proud parental moment*

Axton:  I'm Jesus and I'm alive and...I'm HUNGRY!

Me: Ya, I guess resurrection is tough business!

Nature's Call

Today I had what will probably go down in my book as being one of the worst beach experiences of my life.  It started out pretty joyous.  I was sitting in the sand holding Anchor while Axton was frolicking in the waves.  The weather was perfect and the summer beach crowd has pretty much gone.  He could play in the water all day, and I could totally oblige. 

Well, my little moment in La La Land was pretty much smashed to bits.

My three-year-old walked out of the water, looked at me with big eyes, pulled down his pants, and started to poop.  I was pretty far away, so there was no way to salvage the situation.  "It" didn't end up on the ground but in his shorts, so the whole act of pulling his pants down was basically a failed effort and only served to alert everyone on the beach of what was going on.  This is my three-year-old who really looks like he is five, screaming, "Mommy!  My bum!  My bum hurts!  The poop!  Ouchie!"  That was probably the crowning moment of glory.

Oh, it gets better, friends.

I have a Moby wrap for Anchor.  I bring it everywhere.  It's like an instant 3-hour nap for the kid and I can man-handle Axton as needed, making adventures like today do-able.  Well, I forgot to bring it today.  I also left the diaper bag (with wipes) in the car.  The closest bathroom was like a mile away.

Picture this if you will:

"Axton, we have to walk to the bathroo.....NOOOOO!  Keep your pants on, Axton!  DO NOT TOUCH YOUR POOP!  You have to keep your pants on so we can go clean you up in the bathroo....AXTON, DON'T TOUCH YOUR BUM!"...all in harsh whispered tones as we walked waddled to the bathroom.  I'm pretty sure we were the main attraction to the huge group of teenagers next to us.  He was crying like a banshee at this point.

Then we got to the bathroom.  The disgusting, unsanitary, revolting beach bathroom.  I am holding a baby and obviously can't put him down anywhere.  I'm pretty sure we're standing in urine.  There's hardly any toilet paper.  People keep trying to open the door because the lock is broken.  Axton is screaming.  Let's just say, I really have no idea how we came out of there alive...and without some kind of disease.

Case and point: Poop Happens!